The Weight of Expectations: Why We Hold Onto What No Longer Serves Us

The Silent Burden We Carry

From the moment we are born, expectations are placed upon us. Some are spoken outright, while others are silently woven into our lives—passed down from family traditions, societal norms, and personal experiences. These expectations tell us who we should be, what success looks like, and how our lives should unfold. But what happens when those expectations no longer fit who we are? What happens when we find ourselves holding onto them, even when they weigh us down?

If you've ever felt the pressure to meet an invisible standard—whether in your career, relationships, or personal growth—you're not alone. The truth is, we often hold onto expectations not because they serve us, but because we fear what it means to let them go.

Just as the feather dances with the wind, we too can learn to release our grip on the weight of expectations. Embracing this philosophy can lead to a more fulfilling and peaceful existence.

Where Do These Expectations Come From?

Expectations are everywhere, shaping our choices in ways we don’t always realize. They come from:

🔹 Family: The desire to live up to parental hopes, generational beliefs, or cultural standards. ("You need to have a stable career." "Marriage and kids are the next step.")

🔹 Society: The pressure to follow a linear path—graduate, get a degree, land a job, buy a house, start a family.

🔹 Personal Experiences: Past successes or failures that make us believe we should continue on a path, even when we’ve outgrown it.

We internalize these messages so deeply that they become part of our identity. But the problem isn’t just that these expectations exist—it’s that we rarely stop to question whether they actually serve us.

Why Do We Hold Onto What No Longer Serves Us?

If an expectation isn’t making us happy or fulfilled, why do we cling to it? There are a few reasons:

1️⃣ Fear of Disappointment

Letting go of expectations often means risking the disappointment of others. Many of us struggle with the idea of not living up to what family, friends, or society expect from us. But in the process, we neglect our own happiness.

2️⃣ Comfort in the Familiar

Even when an expectation feels suffocating, it’s familiar. It’s what we know. And sometimes, staying in a situation that doesn’t serve us feels easier than stepping into the unknown.

3️⃣ The “What If” Factor

We ask ourselves: What if I regret letting go? What if I fail? What if I make the wrong choice? This fear keeps us stuck in cycles that no longer serve our growth.

4️⃣ The Illusion of Control

Expectations create a roadmap for life. They tell us, If you do this, you’ll be successful. If you follow this path, you’ll be happy. Letting go means embracing uncertainty, and that can feel overwhelming.

When Holding On Holds Us Back

The weight of expectations doesn’t just affect our decisions—it impacts our mental and emotional well-being. It can lead to burnout, self-doubt, and a constant feeling of being behind in life. It keeps us in jobs we don’t love, relationships that no longer align with us, and mindsets that stifle growth.

But what if we started questioning these expectations? What if we asked ourselves:

• Does this expectation align with who I am today?

• Am I pursuing this because I truly want it, or because I feel like I should?

• What would my life look like if I let this expectation go?

Sometimes, the only way to step into who we are meant to be is by releasing who we thought we had to be.

For Young Adults: Navigating Expectations and Finding Your Own Path

If you're just starting out and feel overwhelmed by expectations, here’s where to begin:

✨ Get Clear on What YOU Want: Spend time reflecting on what excites you, not what others expect of you. Journaling, therapy, or talking to mentors can help.

✨ Take Small Steps Toward Your Own Path: You don’t have to make drastic changes overnight. Start with one small choice that aligns with your own desires.

✨ Give Yourself Permission to Redefine Success: Success isn’t about checking off a list—it’s about creating a life that feels meaningful to you.

For Parents: Releasing the Pressure & Supporting Your Young Adult

If you’ve unintentionally pressured your child into a path that doesn’t align with them, know that it’s not too late to shift. Here’s how:

✅ Acknowledge the Pressure Without Guilt: It’s okay if you expected certain things for your child—it came from love and care. What matters now is how you move forward.

✅ Have an Open Conversation: Ask your young adult, “What do you truly want for yourself?” and listen without judgment.

✅ Encourage, Don’t Direct: Instead of pushing toward a specific path, provide emotional support, resources, and reassurance that they can figure things out on their own timeline.

A Shift is Coming

We don’t have to stay in spaces that no longer align with our growth. The challenge, of course, is learning how to release these expectations and navigate the noise that keeps us tied to them.

On March 12, I’ll be sharing a pivotal conversation about what it really means to cut through the noise—to step away from the expectations that no longer serve us and toward a life that feels more authentic, fulfilling, and aligned.

Until then, I invite you to reflect:

✨ What expectations have you held onto that no longer serve you?

✨ What’s one small way you can begin to release them?

Let’s start the conversation in the comments. Your journey to letting go starts here. 💡💭